Having a partner with a mental health issue is likely to significantly impact you and your relationship. You may feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster with your partner and have no one to turn to.
Although everyone’s situation is different, there are some common things people go through when they have a partner with a mental health issue. Understanding how your partner’s experiences affect you and how to look after yourself can make a big difference to both of your moods and your quality of life.
Mirroring your partner’s emotions
When we care about someone, we automatically begin to mirror them in many ways. Friends in conversation often have a similar posture and body language to one another. The same can be true for emotions.
When you have a partner with a mental health issue, their emotions may feel extraordinarily strong and all encompassing. Often people whose partners are struggling find themselves taking on their partner’s emotions as their own. For instance, someone whose partner is severely depressed may find themselves feeling down in the dumps. If your partner is having a manic episode, you may feel excited and energetic.
Shared emotions can help us feel close to our partners, but can also become problematic. If you’re being caught up in the swing of your partner’s strong emotions, you’re likely to feel less grounded and less able to help support them. It can be a jarring and confusing experience, and you may feel like you’re losing yourself in your partner or in their struggle.
Knowing where your partner’s emotions end and where yours begin is essential to supporting a partner with a mental health issue. Learning to tune into yourself and recognise what you’re feeling and wanting is a good way to keep yourself from being swept up in their emotions. It can be quite difficult if most of your time is spent with your partner and if their emotions are strong. Mindfulness exercises and counselling can both be excellent supports for reconnecting with yourself and helping you develop the tools to tune into your own emotions in the moment. Being able to recognise whether you’re feeling something similar to your partner or whether you’re taking on your partner’s emotions is extremely important. You’re likely to feel more grounded, more like yourself, and you’ll also be better able to support your partner.
Isolation
Having a partner with a mental health issue can feel very isolating. Stigma and the fear of being judged keeps many people from talking about their experiences. Those who do share their experiences find that it can be hard for other people to understand what it’s like. Thankfully, you’re not alone; many people with mental health issues have partners who may be experiencing issues similar to what you’re going through. There are support groups and numerous resources online to help you connect with others in similar situations. Meeting with a counsellor can also assist in feeling less isolated and alone. Planning social time for yourself can be helpful too, even if it’s with friends who may not understand your situation. Contact with people is important for maintaining your own mental health and sense of self.
Knowing your boundaries
Knowing what you will and will not do to help support your partner is important; draw your line in the sand. If you’re crossing your boundaries, you may end up feeling resentful and burned out. It can be extremely hard to say no when someone you care about is in need. However, finding the balance of helping your partner and looking after yourself is important or you’ll both end up struggling even more. On top of that, sometimes acting as a rescuer and trying to do everything for your partner may actually be holding them back from developing their own sense of self-efficacy. For more on the rescuer role, check out our post on the Drama Triangle.
Self care
Self care is important for keeping yourself healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally. Many people worry that looking after themselves means they’re being selfish and not spending enough time taking care of their partner. You’re important too. You deserve to be as happy and healthy as possible. It’s easy to become exhausted on every level when you have a partner living with a mental health issue, and if you’re not well supported and looked after then it will be very hard for you to offer quality support to them. Self care can take many forms. For more detailed information on self care, take a look at our Self Care blog post.
Outside support
If you can ask for help from others, outside support can make a huge difference. Many people’s tendency is to try to do everything themselves. Getting outside support even for small things can make your life feel a lot easier at times. It could be anything from asking a friend to pick up a take away dinner for you or employing someone to help with the house work.
Professional help
Professional help can be incredibly valuable, both for your partner and for yourself. Your partner may benefit from treatment such as counselling, psychotherapy, or medication (more information about our mental health counselling service). You may also find it helpful for your own wellbeing to see a counsellor or psychotherapist to talk about your experiences and be supported through difficult times or to get back on your feet when things are improving. Depending on the situation, relationship counselling may also be useful to keep your relationship strong or to reconnect with one another after an episode.
Having a partner with a mental health issue can at times be very difficult. However, there are many things you can do to help make it easier for both you and your partner.
If you or someone you know has a partner experiencing a mental health issue, the team at Paul the Counsellor can help. Our counsellors provide caring, confidential, non-judgemental counselling and psychotherapy for individuals and couples in the Melbourne CBD.
0458 090 687
paulthecounsellor@gmail.com
253 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000
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