This is part 2 of a 3 part series to help couples understand and recover from infidelity.
Infidelity is a big issue for relationships. It’s the most common reason for marriages ending, and couples who have experienced an affair are twice as likely to get a divorce.
So is it possible to recover from an affair?
It can be done. Some couples are able to weather the storm together and come out happily on the other side. Whether you’ll be one of those couples depends on your relationship and how you deal with the infidelity.
Some ways to figure out if your relationship can recover:
- How long have you been together?
Partners who have been together longer usually have a better shot at healing after an infidelity.
- How committed are you?
The more both partners are committed to the relationship, the more likely that your relationship can bounce back after an affair. Committing to doing the hard work needed to save the relationship is just as important. This includes the hard work that’s required in undertaking couples therapy.
- How was the marriage before the affair?
Were you both of satisfied with your relationship? Did you feel close? More often than not, affairs happen as a consequence of fundamental difficulties in the relationship. The stronger your relationship was before the affair, the higher your chance of recovery.
- Was it predominately sexual?
It’s usually easier to move on from an affair if it was predominately sexual in nature. If there was also a strong emotional connection, the affair can feel much more traumatic to the unfaithful person’s partner.
- Is the partner who had the affair remorseful?
Showing genuine remorse is essential to saving the relationship. If the person who had the affair isn’t too fussed about having hurt their partner, the future of the relationship is pretty grim.
- Is the affair over?
If the affair is still happening, it’s very hard to rebuild your relationship. In some cases, keeping in contact with the person after the affair can be almost as troubling.
- Are you able to discuss the affair and what led to it?
If you can talk about what happened and what led to the infidelity, it’s a good sign that you’re on the road to recovery. When the partner who had the affair is willing to answer questions about what happened, the other will be able to heal, trust, and forgive more quickly. Both of you can gain a better understanding of yourselves, your partner, and you relationship. You’ll also have a better chance of avoiding getting stuck in the same issues that led to the affair in the first place.
Recovering from an affair is hard work and it’s tricky to navigate alone. Relationship counselling can give you the support you need to work through those issues. Counselling gives you the best chance of healing after an affair and saving your relationship.
The team at Paul the Counsellor provide couples counselling and marriage counselling for couples in the Melbourne CBD and Greater Melbourne area. If you or someone you know is interested in undertaking counselling with us please explore the website for more information.
0458 090 687
paulthecounsellor@gmail.com
253 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the article guys. Affairs are certainly a struggle. I think we’ve got a good chance of recovery. Even though some days it doesn’t feel like it.
THanks for this. It would have been really helpful for me in my last relationship years ago which unfortunately ended because of infidelity. I guess most people think that they can’t recover from it and so just give up straight away. Knowing there is hope and a way forward would help so many good couples find their way again after an affair. Cheers.